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What can I say about Perfect Polly…Let me start with some background.

I believe everyone has chatter in their minds that convinces them of things. Chatter that says you’re not good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. Experts call them critics, false-beliefs, or negative self-talk.  From Sark to buddhism, cogntive-behavioral therapy to self-help guru’s like the Mean Girls Reform School; they all point to the inner tapes, voices, and critics in our minds that convince us to believe things about ourselves. Convince us to believe in the negative.

I struggle with these inner voices. Everyone does. No one is immune to them. Really listen to celebrities tell their stories, and they often talk about their own self-doubt. How hard it was to break free of these critics and and to ignore that voice telling them to give up on their dreams.

A long time ago, I nicknamed my negative voice; Perfect Polly. She wants me to be perfect in every way. Be the best artist, wife, mother, psychotherapist, daughter, friend… To make all the right decisions. Make all the right moves. Do it all without missing a beat. And…if I can’t be perfect, well then, why bother.

But the truth is that I am not perfect. {I know, surprised right?} I am far from perfect. What I am continuing to learn every day is that perfection is a trap. Perfection keeps you from pulling out those paints and getting to work on your next painting. It keeps you from taking a risk to make positive change in your life. It keeps you from being vulnerable enough to share your story. It keeps you focused on your fears rather than focusing on your intuition. {You know, Intuition, that beautiful wise voice inside your heart that leads you through the difficult times. That voice we often ignore and then later say, man I should have listened to my gut.}

I am no longer afraid to be seen as imperfect. I feel fear. I feel shame. I can even feel unworthy at times, well a lot of the time. But I am working really hard on not letting that stop me. Not buying into the idea that everything needs to be perfectly lined up in order to move forward.

The difference for me over the last few years is that I have called Polly out. I have named her. I am recognizing that she exists. I am talking back to her.

“Perfect Polly, I know you want to think I am not good enough to do {insert fear here}, but I’m going to do it anyway!”

It may take time to move forward. Change is hard after all. I often break things down into small manageable steps. But I keep moving forward in spite of fear and always listening to my wise heart.

I just felt it was time to call her out in public. To really be vulnerable enough to publicly say I am imperfect. I talk with folks every day who struggle with these inner voices. Who don’t even realize that they have a choice to listen to them or not. Who thought they were alone in believing that they are not good enough.

Now that you have been introduced to Polly, I will be talking about her a lot on this blog. Talking about how I am working on listening to my wise heart and not her negative vibe. I hope you will feel inspired to do the same.