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How can I take myself seriously when I have a small voice at my side reminding me of the joy in life.Yesterday, I spent the day with my daughter. I was so excited to leave the house after a day of hurricane weather (BTW sending love to all those affected by Irene). So, Marielle and I headed into “town” to got the free library for a story reading. We had a blast; listening, singing, and then playing with the mass of puppets behind the theatre opening.

We walked outside with our tummies grumbling, ready to go out to lunch for our girls day. My stomach sank to the ground when I looked around and said “where is our car?” It took a minute for me to realize that my car was gone. Most likely towed as the lot was half empty. No doubt an end of the month city clean up to gain some revenue. But I had money in the meter! This was all I could mutter.

When I heard that small voice “The wind blew our car away….!”

My heart and soul laughed out loud as I realized what a three year old makes of her world when we just experienced the “big storm.” How a simple heart puts two and two together and draws a conclusion. The one that makes the most sense to her.

Well, how can I take myself seriously? How can I be mad when I knew that I had some overdue parking tickets. Boy do they go up when you don’t pay them for 10 years! How can I teach her how to “listen to the rules” if I don’t do so myself. While a few years ago I would have thrown a temper tantrum; my meditation, yoga, and mindfulness kicked in full force assisting me in remaining calm and centered. I accepted responsibility and did the best I could to make it an adventure for my baby love. I made a mistake and now we had to just deal with it.

A long phone call and a cab ride later. We were in the car headed for some food. (Thank god for mommy big purses with snacks stuck inside!)

Yesterday was a lesson in remembering to accept responsibility and let go of control. I couldn’t force anything. I had to let go and be flexible. For me and for her, I had to focus on the joy rather than getting angry and allowing that to ruin my day. Once again, that little voice reminded me that you can make an adventure out of the most unfortunate of events. BTW she adored riding in a cab and talking about our car going to jail because mommy didn’t follow the rules. Another side lesson; even mommy makes mistakes.

Here is another digital print done with my new toy, Photoshop Elements.

Dream Walk to the Barn

Here is to not taking ourselves too seriously, letting go, and embracing joy.

Namaste

So in re-reading my last post with some feedback, I realize that I have more to say on the subject. For many years, I denied who I was; an artist. I denied how important it was to express myself. I denied myself because of all the doubt and shame that kept me from standing up and shouting out my truth.

I think as a young girl and as a woman, like many others, I received messages about being demure, not speaking too loud, and the importance of putting others first. I learned practicality and settling on what is realistically obtainable rather than stretching myself and reaching for my dreams. It’s not one thing or person in particular that created my fears and shame. Rather a combination of life experiences, cultural messages, and my own desire to please everyone. BTW, If you want a good book on shame and living life whole heartedly, make sure to read Brene Brown’s book The Gifts of Imperfection. It is totally worth it.

As a newish mom, I am realizing that it is more important than ever to be true to who I am. To not apologize for my truth. To not apologize that I need time for me to lose myself in the creative process. If I don’t have that, then I am only half a person. Half living. Half loving. And I want to live out loud people. I want to stretch myself and keep growing, as an artist, as a mother, as a wife, and as a woman.

That is not to say I shirk my responsibilities for taking care of me and mine. But, I have learned over the last few years how to prioritize. How to do a whole lot of creating in a short amount of time. How to capture fleeting moments and draw on them when I have studio time. In ways, it has made me more productive, more intuitive, and more stimulated.

So my last post was a declaration that I am not afraid to speak my truth anymore. (I find it useful to shout it out every once in a while.) To shout out that I will not apologize for being me and taking care of my need to create.

How do you take care of yourself? How do you make sure that not only is there a little left over for you but that you live out loud? Otherwise, how can we love the others in our lives fully?

Here’s a little new work. I am toying with some digital printmaking using Adobe Photoshop and I was playing around today for the first time using inspiration from the book Digital Expressions by Susan Tuttle. Loving it Susan! She really rocks. You can check out her blog here.

So don’t apologize anymore. My advice to you, make some time for yourself to nurture your passions and live out loud. I swear it is worth it.

Namaste.

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